Well, It clear now. No chance at all. I survived 18+ years without one. Why do I need one so badly now? I can survive another few year. No harm done. Being her friend is good enough for me.
I felt suicidal... For a while...
I felt suicidal for about 30 mins. It happened on 12.30 midnight if I'm not wrong. Never felt that way before. I felt as though I have no more reason to live. I felt that God really hated me. But then, I realise that its not worth it. Not that she is not worth it. It's just that throwing away your life just like that. Kinda stupid. Very stupid. I decided to relax, and watch MTV. I felt very sucky after that. Until now I feel like shit. A cup of lumpy shit in a bowl of chocolate pudding. Is this my choice of living? Being miserable for the rest of my life?
If I can't be with her, I think the next best thing it to be there for her. Whenever she is in need. :)
I will try...
Not try to win her heart. Try to stop being such an ass. Falling in love with girls that are out of my league. My life is already based on failure. Failure is something that I have made good friends with. I will suck it up and take it like a man.
But when you're lonely, and got no one to talk to, I will be here. Waiting. Like a Stone...
"Momma Sed" by Puscifer
Pictures of Maynard James Keenan
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